How to Heal Shame, A Sex Coaches 3 Part Method
3 Part Method To Healing Shame
Hey Shameless Squad! Let’s talk about Tips for Overcoming Shame: A Guide to Self-Advocacy and Empowerment! Watch my YouTube Channel, like this video & hit subscribe if you wanna hear what I talk about personally!
First off here’s my three part method…
Part #1-Build Shame Awareness Steps As A Shame Exercise
Part #2-The ABCDE Method For Shame Exercises
Part #3-Letting Go Tips & Techniques For Shame Exercises
Part #1-Build Shame Awareness Steps As A Shame Exercise
Notice what’s happening in your body
Don’t avoid shame or try to control it
Notice what feelings, thoughts, and sensations are coming up in your body
Google the emotions wheel and use this as a tool
Self soothe & regulate your emotions with coping skills
Journal and understand what is going on so you remember in the future of what happened then practice!! Practice this in the mirror over and over again where it becomes so automatic you’re a pro! This allows you to release them and build awareness for the future.
Part #2-The ABCDE Method For Shame Exercises
1. Assert and Advocate for Yourself
Learning to assert yourself is an essential first step in overcoming shame. This is especially important if you're dealing with cultural expectations or the opinions of others. For instance, I came from a Polish American background and have grown up in households where elders command respect, often even when their behavior is harmful. Just because someone is older doesn’t mean they’re entitled to respect if they’re treating you poorly. If someone in your life, especially a family member, speaks to you disrespectfully, it's okay to say, "This is not acceptable, and I won't tolerate it."
In sexual wellness coaching, a common hurdle clients face is speaking up when they feel uncomfortable in intimate relationships. When you’re on the journey of sexual wellness, learning to advocate for yourself without feeling guilty is crucial. This involves standing up and speaking out when you feel shamed or judged for your choices, whether it’s about your body, sexuality, or lifestyle.
2. Set and Hold Boundaries
One of the most effective ways to protect yourself from shame is by setting clear boundaries. Teach people how to treat you by being upfront about what you will and won't tolerate. If someone makes a derogatory comment about your body or lifestyle, it's important to speak up and say, "Please don’t comment on my body, it’s not something I discuss." The same applies to negative comments about your sexuality or preferences.
In my experience as a sex coach, setting boundaries is key to fostering healthy relationships, both intimate and familial. Shame often festers in silence, so standing firm in your boundaries is vital. Whether it's in a romantic setting or a family gathering, being explicit about what makes you feel uncomfortable can teach others to respect your limits.
3. Develop Coping Skills
Coping mechanisms are essential in managing shame, particularly when dealing with difficult conversations. When you’re confronted with shaming comments, it can be tempting to lash out or shut down. Instead, pause, take a deep breath, and calmly assert yourself.
For instance, I’ve seen situations in sexual wellness coaching where clients feel attacked or shamed during intimate conversations with their partners. In these moments, take a breath, calm your emotions, and focus on clear communication. Yelling or arguing might seem like the natural response, but a calm and centered approach will ensure you're heard without escalating the situation.
Shame exercises, such as practicing self-soothing and visualization techniques, can be a powerful way to manage your feelings and prevent them from overwhelming you. These methods help you communicate effectively and confidently without succumbing to the weight of shame.
4. Check Your Defense Mechanisms
Recognizing your own defense mechanisms can be incredibly enlightening when healing from shame. Many people either suppress or project their feelings of shame, which can lead to further emotional turmoil. For example, if your defense mechanism is to avoid confrontation, you might repress your feelings instead of addressing the root cause.
Over time, repressed shame manifests as anger, anxiety, or even physical discomfort. As a sex coach, I often help clients identify their defense mechanisms and guide them through healthier ways to express their emotions. Instead of shielding yourself from painful conversations, face them directly, and hold others accountable for their actions while doing the same for yourself.
5. Practice Empathy and Role Reversal
Empathy plays a crucial role in healing shame. Often, people are unaware that their words or actions are causing harm, and sometimes the best way to bridge this gap is through role reversal. Imagine how the other person might feel, or how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
Empathy doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior, but it does allow for understanding and opens the door to more productive conversations. In sexual relationships, this is particularly important. Shame can manifest in the form of sexual insecurity, judgment, or fear of vulnerability. By practicing empathy, you not only evolve as a person but also help others become more self-aware.
Part #3-Letting Go Tips & Techniques For Shame Exercises
Empower Yourself to Let Go
Letting go is one of the most challenging aspects of healing from shame. Whether you’ve been shamed by family members, partners, or society as a whole, it’s essential to know when to release those feelings and move forward.
Picking and choosing your battles is crucial. Some individuals in your life may not be worth the energy it takes to constantly address shameful behavior. If you've had the same conversation more than three times with someone, it might be time to consider stepping away from that relationship. This is particularly important in cases of sexual shame, where intimate relationships can be a source of deep emotional pain.
Perform a relationship inventory to evaluate who in your life truly supports your growth and who doesn’t. As part of my sexual wellness coaching, I offer relationship reflection tools to help clients assess the dynamics in their relationships, enabling them to let go of those that perpetuate shame.
Release Shame through Rituals and Exercises
Shame exercises and rituals can help you physically and emotionally release the burden of shame. One effective method is the “burning bowl ritual,” where you write down the things or people that have caused shame in your life, and then burn them. As you watch the paper turn to ash, make a conscious decision to let go of those feelings.
This can be a powerful practice, especially in overcoming sexual shame. Many feel liberated after participating in this ritual, which helps them release past traumas, harmful beliefs, and feelings of inadequacy. Additionally, journaling about shame and the people who have contributed to it can provide clarity, helping you to let go and move forward.
Another exercise involves working with the elements—earth, air, fire, and water—to physically and spiritually cleanse yourself of shame. You can bury a letter expressing your shame, symbolically burying the emotional burden with it, or float a note down a river to signify letting go. Each of these actions serves as a physical manifestation of the emotional release, allowing you to heal in a tangible way.
Cultivate a New Mindset
Shame is a deeply ingrained feeling, and healing from it requires a shift in mindset. Begin by replacing shameful thoughts with positive affirmations about your self-worth. Focus on building new, healthy relationships and environments that support your growth, rather than perpetuate your shame.
Whether you’re dealing with cultural shame, sexual shame, or shame imposed by others, the process of overcoming it is transformative. Empower yourself by seeking guidance from a "sex coach near me" or a professional who understands the deep impact shame can have on your life. Sexual wellness coaching can help you unearth the origins of your shame, guiding you towards a more confident, shameless existence.
Shame can be an incredibly heavy burden to carry, particularly when it’s related to deep-seated cultural norms or personal experiences. As a sex coach working to empower individuals, I often see how shame impacts my clients' lives and their ability to advocate for themselves. Whether you're searching for "sexual wellness coaching near me," or trying to find the courage to confront your own feelings, the following steps will help you along the way. Shame is a complex, often debilitating emotion, but with the right tools and mindset, you can free yourself from its grip. Whether through asserting your boundaries, practicing empathy, or engaging in shame-release exercises, overcoming shame is possible. If you find yourself struggling with sexual shame or any other form of shame, consider seeking support through sexual wellness coaching. Together, we can work through your shame, helping you embrace a more empowered, shameless version of yourself.
As always, stay shameless, and remember that the journey to healing is one of growth, self-compassion, and unwavering strength. I hope this comprehensive guide on recognizing, confronting, and overcoming sexual shame helped you today!
If you have any questions about these or need a recommendation regarding your care, then please feel free to book an email consultation with me to get your questions answered!
If you’re wanting to work with me 1:1 book a phone consultation here.
Want more? Sign up for my newsletter here for all the Shameless News & Updates!
**PSSST: There will be lots more shameless tips and freebies on here!! Sign up now! Big things are coming…
Check out the following services to work with me 1:1…
Consultation For Providers
Sexual Wellness Coaching
Sex Astrology Birth Chart Reading
If you are seeking Sexual Wellness Coaching Services or Holistic Healing Services, click on those links! If you are a therapist in Minneapolis or outside of Minnesota and seeking Consultation Services, Pick Your Brain 1:1 Consultation, or a Speaker or Trainer for Your Next Workshop, I can help here too!
Let’s get started on your Shameless Goals in Minneapolis, MN today!
