How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STI/STD from a Sex Coach Near Me
Hey everyone, sex coach and intimacy coach Jackie here blogging from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Hope you all are doing well, welcome back to my sex coaching and shameless blog! According to research, about 40% of sexually active teen girls, ages 14 to 19, have at least one STD. Yet in our sex education, we rarely talk about how, and why STIs/STDs form and the importance of getting tested for sexual self-care purposes. Sometimes STIs/STDs aren't easily detectable, which is why it's important to get tested! This sex coach wants to talk about the importance of understanding what STIs and STDs are, common symptoms, how to get tested, and how to talk to partners about this if you test positive. As a sex and intimacy coach, I speak with many people about the importance of getting tested for an STI or STD. There always seems to be some sort of level of sexual shame around this subject. Y’all know I’m not here for that, #fuckshame am I, right? There is no shame in getting tested for an STI or STD and absolutely none whatsoever in talking to our partners about this. Getting tested for an STI/STD is crucial to our sexual self-care. We go to the doctors in Minneapolis, MN for other tests and body parts, so let’s get comfortable with making STI/STD testing part of our norm in our sexual self-care routines! Okay, sex coach, Jackie is getting off her soapbox, now let’s break some shit down!
What are STIs & STDs?
Oh, fab question! STI stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection and an STD stands for Sexually Transmitted Disease. So, what’s the difference? Some STDs start as STIs, but it is not uncommon for this case to come up. I’ve read a lot of various articles talking about STDs having symptoms that are present and STIs may not have symptoms showing up. Sometimes STIs may have symptoms that come and go or are easily treated. STIs and STDS are hard to detect, sometimes people do not know if they’ve been sexually infected or transmitted a disease.
How are STDs and STIs Formed?
Another great question! STDs and STIs can be formed through bacteria, viruses, parasites, or fluids. These can be broken down into three categories, bacterial, viral, or parasitic. These different kinds of bodily fluids are typically swapped during sex, and then can be contracted as an STD or STI when skin-to-skin contact is happening and infection is already active. Some examples of bacterial include Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis. Viral could include HPV, HIV, or herpes. An example of a Parasitic STI/STD is Trichomoniasis. Sometimes STIs/STDs can be contracted from nonsexual activities, such as sharing needles, which can infect another person, or even kissing another person, which is typically a less risky version of potentially contracting an STI.
What Symptoms Could I Have?
If you’ve gotten his far, you’re probably like holy shit Jackie what do I need to know?? I got you! Please note, that I am not a medical doctor, and if you are in need of a professional’s opinion on an STI/STD inquiry, seek medical help and attention. Sex coaching in Minneapolis is not about me looking into your STI/STD. So please, don’t get it twisted with what I do :)
Here’s a common list of symptoms people may experience if they’ve contracted a potential STI…
Genital discharge is abnormal from the penis or vagina
Painful sex
Sores around one’s mouth
Any itching sensations or redness around sores
Burning sensation when you pee
Here’s a common list of symptoms people may experience if they’ve contracted a potential STD…
Feeling fatigued and tired
Memory loss
Weight loss
Any changes in vision or hearing
Feeling sick or nausea
Fever
How do I Get Tested for an STI/STD?
I see you working on that sexual self-care boo! Proud of ya! Here’s what you can do in order to get tested for an STI or STD in Minneapolis, MN. Schedule a doctor’s appointment in Minneapolis for a physical examination who can provide a pelvic health examination and check for any signs of infection. Step number two, ask your doctor or healthcare provider in Minneapolis what types of STI or STD tests they can do. They may give you some options of, Urine test, Blood test, Fluid Samples, or Swab Test. Every sex coach in Minneapolis takes different approaches to coaching in Minnesota, so a doctor in Minneapolis may also be different in their approach depending on the physical exam as a first step. After getting tested, the doctor in Minnesota will share the results and give you the next steps, and potential treatment options for the STI or STD.
How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STD/STI
It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for and wondering about, probably thinking well, Jackie, how do I break the news?? Lots of people in Minneapolis may dread this conversation. If you’re from Minnesota, then you know how passive-aggressive or passive we are and run away from our problems at times, hoping they go away. As a sex and intimacy coach, it is important for me to reiterate several points when discussing healthy communication skills, during hard conversations. Below is a list of tips from a sex and intimacy coach that can help in regards to breaking the news to your partner, partner(s), or spouse.
Breathe: Self-soothing skills are super important for sexual self care and communicating. Yes, you want to tell your partner(s) you contracted an STI/STD, and you have to be calm while doing so. Practice different types of breathing before you have that conversation. As a sex coach, I teach a lot of belly breathing, 6-4-6 breathing, box breathing, and other mindfulness breathing exercises to help teach self-soothing skills in online life coaching and in Minneapolis.
Journal: Write out what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Think about how would I want to be given this news? When is a good time? What are my key points? How do I want to say this? What is my tone of voice going to be? Answer those questions, avoid shame/blame language, cause we’re not here for that, so use “I”, and, how come, I’m curious about, I’m hearing you say, I have to tell you this, I need to take responsibility for my actions and how they may affect you, etc. Don’t use you, but, why, or the words should.
Practice: Look at yourself in the mirror, talk it out, and do it over and over again until you feel comfortable having this conversation. Sometimes this is an exercise I role play with clients during sex coaching and life coaching sessions in Minneapolis and we create a game plan of what feels right. Life coaching in Minneapolis is about coping skills, self-soothing skills, and communication skills. These all take practice and we need to get comfortable having hard conversations.
Sexual Self Care: Remember that this conversation is a part of your sexual self-care and you value honesty in your relationship(s) when it comes to sex. Frame the conversation as I am telling you this because I care about you and this is something that relates to our sexual relationship together. I respect and love you very much, and I have contracted an STI/STD. My intent with this conversation isn’t to hurt you as much as it is to tell you the truth. What I need from your partner(s)/spouse, is support in just being here and listening to the news that I have to share. Can you do that or are you ready to have this conversation with me? If they say no, respect their boundaries, and ask, when is a better time? Schedule it, put it on the calendar, and revisit it as soon as possible.
Create Future Solutions: Get tested together! Sound like a no-brainer from a sex therapist? Well then go do it!! Discuss how do we have conversations about sex, STIs/STDs, or communication in the future? What went well about this and what didn’t? When can we both go get tested together? Can we celebrate that we both are taking care of our sexual health and each other?
Practice Affirmations: Say, “I am doing the right thing,” “This is going to benefit both of us,” “I am strong,” “I got this,” “I have practiced and am prepared.” Whatever that affirmation is for you, create it, and say it. In sex coaching and life coaching in Minneapolis, affirmations are extremely helpful! They build up our self-confidence, self-esteem, self-compassion, and a better relationship with ourselves. This is one way to navigate any shameful messages that may come up and become your shameless self in sexual conversations!
I hope this blog helped you with education on STIs/STDs, symptoms, and tips from a sex coach, intimacy coach, and life coach in Minneapolis who hears this conversation happen quite often. Remember that you’re doing what’s best for you and your partner’s sexual health. Sexual self-care matters. You matter. Your partner(s)/spouse matters.
Stay Shameless
If you are looking for help with Sex Therapy, Couples Therapy, & Self-Esteem, you can read more about how I can help on those pages. If you are seeking Sexual Wellness Coaching Services or Holistic Healing Services, click on those links! If you are a therapist in Minneapolis or outside of Minnesota and seeking Consultation Services, Pick Your Brain 1:1 Consultation, or a Speaker or Trainer for Your Next Workshop, I can help here too! Let’s get started on your Shameless Goals in Minneapolis, MN today!
