Why I Quit Being A Certified Sex Therapist
Why I Quit Being A Certified Sex Therapist
Hey Shameless Squad! It’s been a minute since my last blog, I know, and I’m sipping on my fall latte for a little extra pleasure! This isn’t gonna be a short read, so to get the most out of this blog, highly recommend a cup of coffee, tea, snack, water, cozy fall candles, or a blanket nearby. Let’s get into this…
Last year on 9/9/2024, I officially got Certified as a Sex Therapist. This took me 9 years. 9 years you might think of what? Here’s the list of steps I took to become a certified sex therapist.
Apply to grad school
Interview for grad school
Get accepted to grad school
Go to grad school
Go to additional sex therapy school and pay out of pocket for coursework
Get an internship – I had to do it twice. Yay failing! Which, I want to be clear, my university did not help me the second time finding one, the job I was working at did, internships were hard to come by at the time – that story is for another time, and yes, you read that right
Get internship client hours, supervision hours, and admin hours done
Have every supervisor sign off on logs
Graduate with a Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling
Get my first therapy job
Get 4,000 clinical hours to pursue licensure
Get client hours, admin hours, and supervision hours
Get all supervisors, even if they left the state, to have hours signed
Study my ass off for the exam with my partner – my partner is a therapist too
Pass and pay for the exam to get licensed – I had to pay and take it twice, I failed my first time. Maybe that was a sign then, to stop, pause, and reflect. I wasn’t listening to the universe.
Pay for a license, send in all my logs, the application form, and check
Get licensed a couple months later when the board gets to my application
Get supervision for sex therapy and pay for it
Track all supervision, client hours, the type, and admin hours
Get and keep AASECT membership to get certified – although, I don’t do anything with it throughout the year, just being honest.
Once all the hours are done, apply to become certified, and pay for this application process.
You don’t see what goes on behind the scenes of becoming a therapist, let alone a sex therapist, which are far and few. The field is growing, and only 1 in 10 therapists talk to their clients about sex. It was $15,000 extra for this speciality after totalling it all. Those are the steps, the route I took, and my path was not easy. It was rocky. It was rough. Tough. I was working 40 hours my last chunk of grad school, getting sex therapy course work done at Wisconsin Stout, then going to school in St. Cloud, and paying for this all out of pocket. I was a part time student at this point. Loans were not an option. July of 2017 I did not have one day off. I don’t recommend. When people question why therapy is so expensive, I want you to remember this list and these words.
Being a Capricorn rising and daddy Saturn dominating my chart, this was one of the highest mountains I’ve ever climbed in my life. Was it worth it? Sure, at the time. Is it now? No. I want anyone who’s reading this blog from me to remember, you are allowed to quit. Especially when a timeline has run its course, it no longer is your main purpose, or passion.
I am also going to be honest here, I don’t appreciate how AASECT treated me in my application process. Yes, I am going to get into that. AASECT, for those of you that don’t know, is the American Association for Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Word is through the grapevine, they have a lot of growing, and change to do. I can see that. I applied last year mid February 2024. I was in Peru from the end of March to mid April. I got an email from AASECT saying that I was quoted in an article as a Certified Sex Therapist. Which, I never claimed to be. I told them I’d been quoted in the press before and I had said anytime I talked to the press, I am not a certified sex therapist, do you still want to use my answers below? I never got a reply. I did my due diligence because ethics were drilled into our heads for sex therapy. I checked the backend of my website to see what article this was. None of them. They didn’t send the receipts, so I asked for them, and explained the situation. Instead of taking my word for it, they paused my application for two months and put me in time out, when I was innocent. I didn’t do anything wrong. I even asked editors to retract the misstatement the journalists wrote. They still put me on pause. Two months later, the same thing happened. They put me on pause again. This was getting ridiculous at this point. I wondered, is this even worth it? This is so dumb. My ego at that point was like you are 99% there and I just want this to check a box, I did that. I was questioned by a board that needs to learn to trust those sex therapists, educators, and counselors' words to be true. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? This felt like a God complex on their end. I shared what occurred on social media and it was other therapists who had to tell me, that is straight up bullying when I shared this experience. Lightbulb moment, there’s so much shame, psychological abuse, and emotional manipulation going on in various therapy boards governing bodies. There’s no protection for therapists.
So why would I want to stay a part of this? Why would I want to give money to a board that abused me? Yes, bullying is abuse. Why would I want to reinforce bad behavior when we’re taught in our psychology of behaviorism courses — I took three in undergrad, oof, — not to do that? Why would I want to give AASECT $220 membership annual fee, get recertified every three years and pay $150 for that application fee, and make sure I do 20 CEUS on top of it – which most likely have to be specific and you can look on their site for more info – which can cost thousands of dollars. Would you want to give money to them if you were in my shoes? What’s the point? There’s not one. It’s a way to make certifications something that creates scarcity and ego in therapists, thinking, oh I need this to help people as a sex therapist, or keep it up because it’s been so many years. No, you don’t. That’s what they want you to believe, so they can keep getting money from you. It’s kind of twisted to think a certification makes you worthy of practicing your craft that you’ve mastered. It doesn’t.
One year ago, on 9/9/2024 is when I got certified. On 10/10/2024, I shared previously on my social media last year that I got certified and it doesn’t even matter. It was the biggest ego death ever. 9 years of hard work and for what, a piece of paper? A piece of paper doesn’t mean you’re in your life’s purpose. Many people are in career fields they hate, with training they don’t want to do, and it slowly takes away their joy. That’s what being out of alignment is. It’s wild how this happened on the 9:9 portal last year and I chose to reflect and not share, until the 10:10 portal. This was a cycle I worked towards for 9 years and it doesn’t matter. Let’s get into why…
Why Sex Therapy Is No Longer For Me
In short, I just want to help people when they have questions about sex and give them that information, resources, etc. for an energy exchange, aka consultation fee. I don’t want to have to worry about all the rules. We’re all here to help people. We all have our special gifts. Humanity is calling for this. Just help people.
I freed myself from not taking any Sex Therapy clients and stopped when I was in Peru last spring. I said it to the universe, I’m done doing sex therapy, and took all my therapy services off my website. I was done. I stuck to this boundary with myself. Sexual wellness consultation to get answers? Sure, that’s different. Aside from that, I was only open to coaching clients. The universe listens when you speak. I had three new clients sign up for coaching that week and more came through. Thank you universe!
I felt like I had to hide myself as a therapist, not give feedback, and had to filter. I’m done. I’m over that shit. I want to be able to use myself as an example. I want to be able to help clients by just being me. I want to share lived, learned, and heard experiences, while keeping things confidential. I don’t want to have to think the ethics police is gonna come and get me when I didn’t do anything wrong like before. I want to help anyone with sex. Yes, anyone that is willing to pay my rates. Why? Who the fuck else are they going to go to. There’s something to be said if you know someone, you’re going to feel more comfortable going to them for help. Especially someone with a degree in counseling and coursework in sexual wellness. Here’s the thing though, sex therapy was not a good niche for therapy. It is more appropriate for coaching in my opinion. Here’s why…
Codes don’t get paid through insurance
Most of my clients didn’t meet criteria for sex therapy symptoms/diagnoses
People just want the fucking answers, not to be therapized, which you can’t always do in therapy, there’s rules
It’s private pay anyway if you’re a therapist who doesn’t want to fuck around and find out with insurance
Things can also be related 30% of the time to physical, genetic, or biological factors
Most of what’s happened when I’ve done sex therapy, sure there’s a process, and a lot of times, it’s about the future, and clients are asking me “How to do X?”, “What recommendations do you have for X?”, or “What resources or sexual wellness worksheets do you have for this topic?” – That feels more coaching to be better for the future
Knowing all of these reasons and what I’ve created, sexual wellness coaching is more my style. However, I provided this 1:1 service for folks, and now do group coaching through the world’s first ever Astrosex Programs. These start in 2026. 2 Courses, the first to help understand your sexuality, gender, relationships, love, intimacy, and pleasure, the second, to become a master astrosex astrologer and do these readings for others. 3 oracle decks for astrosex learning, 14 coaching and consulting calls, 1 community, 44+ Pleasurework self reflectionary exercises, 111+ videos, and multiple PDF astrology guides for future readings. Thank you to all who signed up, I’m excited to get more people in these community programs!
This feels right. I am trusting my intuition. We don’t always get taught that as a business owner as well. We repress the divine feminine, regardless of gender, we all have that energy, and she’s rising up in many of us you see. You’re going to see many people leave certain fields, careers, jobs, relationships, and release what no longer is serving them. Astrology supports this. I’ve been talking about that for the past few years on my YouTube Channel. If something feels like a force in life, you’re out of sync, and not in flow. You manifest and attract disease, poor mindset, negative experiences, situations, stress, which influences your holistic health.
Where I am feels like flow…
Why I Am Headed Into Sex Coaching & Spiritual Entrepreneur
For those that don’t know, I had an astrology reading last July before I went to Bali. This astrologer told me, I’m in my Neptune Transits – these can last 13-14 years, yay for that – I’m a Psychic with Mediumship, Clairsentient, Clairaudient, Clairvoyant Dreams, Claircognizance, Telepsychometry, and more. I was going to have a spiritual awakening in Bali on 8/8, yes the portal. These energies clearly impact me. Then she said, if I don’t step into my spiritual purposes, of becoming a spiritual entrepreneur, I could get an autoimmune disease. Now, some people think I’m crazy believing that, and astrologers know their fucking shit. Especially the ones who practice medical astrology.
She saved my life by telling me this. I felt this energy. I knew I had to let go of therapy. They told me I could say I am a psychic or spiritual entrepreneur and yes can still have all these services I want to provide. That was comforting and I also knew the 9 years of hard work didn’t matter much anymore, that was not the main service to society I’m giving. In Bali, the second week I was on a retreat, but it wasn’t a real retreat. It was a vacation. I stayed back from the majority of group activities, dinners, and things that were not for growth. There were about 14 outings and only 4 personal growth activities, one of them was face masks, asking what resources people use to relax, which I gave a lot to that conversation, so I don’t really count that. I was psychically channeling messages upon messages. I wrote them in my phone. It was to be my Cosmic Downloads oracle deck. This information was sacred.
I also had a bat in my room one night – had the worst anxiety attack around 5:30 am and was crying. I hadn’t had one since I was a little toddler. I was so scared – I think that sacred medicine was with me there. It was not a cute little baby bat either, it was that big mother just chilling above my suitcase. For those that are curious, bats represent initiation. It is a time for change and a new beginning. An initiation is at hand. Trust your instincts and look for hidden implications around you. If you’ve made it this far into the blog, this story is clear, and checks out here. I was being initiated into something new.
I practiced more of my mediumship and psychic abilities. Hired mentors. Took courses. Read. Studied. Learned. What I didn’t realize was how good I was. My mentors told me I was the best they’d ever seen. They were shocked by me. Perhaps this was because I hid my abilities for the past years since opening my business. I would get clairvoyant images of clients passed on loved ones they’d be talking about in session. They’d show up for them. I would have telepathy with clients and it would freak them out because they thought I was reading their mind. I was tapped in. This was something I didn’t realize at the time, until mentors told me I’m better than I realize.
Sometimes with psychic abilities, we question, gaslight, or wonder if we’re right. That’s our ego. We need to learn to play with them more. I didn’t realize it, but when I was visiting my brother in law in Colorado the second time, my psychic abilities were high. His roommate, friend, and all were kind of shocked/pointing this out to me. I didn’t realize how good I was at the time. That’s a story for another day that I’ll share with my YouTube Channel. Make sure you’re subscribed.
I love this work. I love it when I get to psychically channel messages for clients. I love mediumship and talking to spirits. I love getting downloads for all 12 signs collectively. I love reading astrology birth charts. I love reading tarot and oracle decks. I love spiritual animals. I love crystals. I love rituals, spell casting, and manifestation techniques. I love reiki and helping people get stress relieved. I love all my sexual energy and divine connection that has led me to creating 16 oracle decks. I love that I can blend sexuality and spirituality through astrosex. I love sharing sexual pleasurework exercises with people. I love my women’s circles for the Full Moon. I love it all. So why should I choose?
I am a psychic
I am a medium
I am a tarot reader
I am a creator
I am a sexual energy healer
I am a reiki practitioner
I am an astrologer
I am a writer
I am a channel
I am a vlogger
I am a YouTuber
I am a sister
I am a daughter
I am a partner
I am a friend
I am a business owner
I am a MNUFC fan
I am a reader
I am a listener
I am shameless
I just am.
Why do I have to choose? I don’t. None of us do. Therapy kept me small, restricted, and not looking at the bigger picture. I say fuck that.
I’m a menu full of services, experiences, and education that you can pick and choose from. I am multifaceted. Just like you. Just like magical sexual goddesses like Aphrodite, goddess of love, money, and war. Freya, a Psychic Witch who used ruins, shared her education, and also fought in battle. Hekate, Persephone, and many others. I don’t have to choose and neither do you. Be all that you can be, shamelessly.
Staying shameless is all about allowing yourself to evolve and grow. Not staying stuck when something doesn’t feel right or just because you’ve done it for years, no. That’s a clear sign you need to get out, shake shit up, and move forward with your life. Live it vs. exist in it. As I write this, 11:11 is on the clock, know that when you see these signs, you are supported by spirit. I checked my phone and you can’t make this shit up, one of my mindful apps with photos says, “Let go of who you were.” I’ll share it below and that’s exactly what this is and what I am doing. I also pulled a few oracle cards yesterday in a new deck and the first one was honesty and the next card was “the end,” of a book. You can’t make this shit up. Spirit is not playing, so don’t play with your life, livelihood, and love.
Why I Would Caution People Against Getting Certified As A Sex Therapist
If you didn’t read the whole blog, then here’s the short and shameless…
Keeps you boxed into one type of service
By only doing one thing you can’t help more people and get paid
It’s a process that can take years of your life and you have to ask yourself if this is something you thought you’d be doing forever — shit, I did, but nope, spirit had other plans for me
It’s additional money if you go my route, $15k is probably the lower end for additional work, and it could be more other places
The ethics of therapy don’t match the times today, they’re 11 years old
If you work for a mental health agency setting or you take insurance and your clients want you to only put “sex counseling,” on it, you’re not gonna get paid if they don’t have additional diagnoses, and if they do, confidentiality gets weary with insurance and all the patient information that’s been shared recently
I’m sure the list goes on and on. The therapy field has a long way to go with some therapists not shaming others, not wanting to preach to their clients, and offering support/protection for those practicing. There is no board for that. There is no union. There is no benefit also when you get certified as a sex therapist. Shit, it’s not like they give you a million dollars or anything. Although, that’d be nice.
So this is the shameless truth. My story. I’m letting this go. I find it rather poetic that it’s happening on 9/9/2025 aka 999 portal. I find the irony fucking buck in this situation here. If you are ever considering the therapy path, route, or becoming a sex therapist, and want to chat, please sign up for my newsletter to get in contact with me. I’ve thought about being a mentor for newer therapists to the field, a guide, not a supervisor, just to be present for dumb shit that happens. Because, it will happen. Take my word.
Thanks for coming to my shameless tangent. I love all of you, thank you for supporting me.
Stay Shameless
