Why Pronouns Matter
Why Pronouns Matter, Pt. 1
Let me be the first to say, Hi, I’m Jackie, She/Her and Happy International Pronouns Day 2021! *Reminder: Pronouns matter and can be celebrated everyday, don’t forget it boo! When you’re searching for a therapist in Minnesota, you want them to know their shit, understand how there’s a difference between LGBTQ Validating and LGBTQ Affirmative Therapy. You’ve probably typed in LGBTQ Friendly Therapist near me, Gender Therapist MN, or even Twin Cities Therapy and Counseling to broaden your search and shop around to see what your list of options are. If you’re a parent, living in Minneapolis Minnesota or nearby, you probably want to understand more about pronouns and how to affirm your child. If you’re a teacher in the Twin Cities or Minnesota, you may wonder what is the 411 about Pronouns 101 and how can I incorporate this in the classroom? If it’s you searching for a badass Sex Therapist in Minnesota, you definitely want a Therapist in Minneapolis, MN who mother fucking understands why pronouns matter. So let’s dive in and break down why pronouns matter!
Why Pronouns Matter, Pt. 2
I realize I went off on a tangent there, my bad! Let’s bring it back…
✨ Imagine for a moment, someone calling you the wrong name or using incorrect pronouns. ✨ Imagine this happening over and over again when you’ve asked them not to. ✨ Imagine what that would feel like to be misgendered.
🟣 Pronouns are a sign of respect
🔵 Pronouns challenge gender norms
🟢 Pronouns open up the conversation about multiple genders & can try to create a safe space
🟡 Pronouns can be used anywhere
🔴 Pronouns save lives
Pronouns are suicide prevention. Mic drop, no seriously!! According to the Trevor Project, p. 1 (2021) research, “Transgender & Nonbinary Youth Reported Pronouns Being Respected by all of the People they Lived with, Attempted Suicide at 50% less than those who did not have their pronouns respected teens who had their pronouns and name used, attempted suicide less. Transgender & Nonbinary Youth who are able to change their name and/or gender marker on their ID & legal documents had lower rates of suicide.” If these statistics don’t say holy fuck to you, then please check out the link of the national survey here and another article on Pronoun Usage Among LGBTQ Youth to read more!! These and many more reasons is why pronouns matter.
Pronouns 101
There’s a lot of Gender Pronouns and combinations, how fun right?!?! You may be like, what the fuck Jackie why?? There’s combinations and so many different things, help me out here!! Oh totally, I got you when talking pronouns 101! Gender is about how you feel when you wake up in the morning. Some days that may be more masculine or feminine or neither, and because of that, our gender pronouns may change day to day. There are gender binary and gender neutral pronouns, meaning a person that aligns with their gender assigned at birth or any age, may stick with those gender binary pronouns. A person who is gender neutral, expansive, genderless, ungendered, nongendered or any other expansive term, does not refer to a particular gender or gender binary. Pronouns may also be referred to gendered and gender-neutral or even neo-pronouns. Gender pronouns are fluid because gender is fluid. Let’s break down gender pronouns 101 and different types below….
He/Him/His: He was running. That stuffed animal belongs to him. This is his sweater.
Ze/Hir/Hirs/Hirself: Ze is jogging. That toy belongs to hir. This is hirs jacket.
Ze/Zir/Zirs/Zirself: Ze is walking. That movie belongs to zir. That is zirs purse.
Ey/Em/Eir/Eirself: Ey is dancing. That present is for eir. Ey bought eirself a cookie.
Ne/Nem/Nir/Nirself: Ne is running. That is nir’s friend. Ne bought nirself a sandwich.
Xe/Xem/Xyr/Xyrself/Xemself: Xe is swimming. That belongs to xem. Xe bought xemself a pop.
Ve/Ver/Vis/Vers/Verself: Ve is moving. That belongs to ver. Ve bought verself some candy.
She/Her/Hers: She is walking. That item belongs to her. She bought herself a coat.
They/Them/Their: They are dancing. That candy belongs to them. That is their jeans.
*Pronouns can also be interchangeable!! Some folks may use she/they or others too!
Isn’t learning about gender pronouns fun?? This Gender Therapist in Minneapolis, MN thinks so! It may feel like a lot and that’s okay. Asking is the first step, learning is the second, using is the third, and reviewing is the fourth. Don’t get discouraged with language, language changes a lot with gender. It’s okay and you can always update yourself or come back here for more information. There’s a lot to learn, understand, and know, so please be gentle with yourselves! Here is a source that has some of these terms, not all, on a chart regarding gender and language from Springfield College called Gender Pronouns. Click to learn more!
Things to Understand about Gender
Gender Therapists in Minnesota will love discussing what comprises of gender! Gender is our jam and it’s a blast to break down gender’s components when discussing this with clients, families, community members, or other folks. Here are somethings Gender Therapists in Minnesota will tell you about gender to help understand more…
🔹 Gender is a social construct: Who says boys can’t love pink? Or girls can’t play sports? Fuck that! Anyone can love pink or play sports.
🔹 Gender has many parts: There is gender expression, what we wear/dress/show to the world, gender thoughts what we think about our gender, physical and emotional attraction, as well as biological sex. Genitals don’t equal gender. Let me repeat, genitals do not equal gender!!
🔹 Gender is fluid: Meaning, gender can change over time.
🔹 Gender is not based on genitalia: see above ;)
🔹 Gender is so many beautiful things, 100%!!
Gender Therapists in Minnesota will definitely keep up to date with language, challenge, and change their approach based on what is current information. Gender Therapists in Minnesota are mindful to correct, challenge, and to cue folks when gender pronouns and name are not being used and/or respected.
What to do if you or someone else Misgenders someone…
Say, I’m sorry, apologize, and correct the mistake. It’s as simple as that! If you are actively choosing to not use the correct pronouns, that’s just disrespectful. Parents, coaches, teachers, nurses, doctors, cops, therapists in Minneapolis, and other providers that may be in a child’s, adolescent, or teen’s life, know that using a person’s gender pronouns and name saves lives. Same as adults too! If you witness someone else doing this, use pronoun cueing, say, “Oh Jackie does love it when she can watch all the reality television in the world. Her favorites are, Queer Eye, Real Housewives, she absolutely LOVES and wants to go on Big Brother, Survivor is one of her favorites, and she also loves the Amazing Race! Jackie has told me herself she’s going to try out for a reality television show one day.” Boom! See how simple that is? Throw in those pronouns and different cues to share with that person. You don’t have to be an asshole about it and say shut the fuck up jerk, you know Jackie’s pronouns are she/her fucker, and now she’s gonna be pissed the fuck off at you. We don’t have to be sassholes about it! We can gently cue, repeat, and then be an asshole if necessary.
How to Use Inclusive Language and What to Avoid
Gender therapists in Minnesota are going to tell you tons of ways to be inclusive with gender pronouns! When we talk about inclusive language it is welcoming and inviting for all. When we limit our language to specific groups or genders, that’s when this feelings fucking frustrating and invalidating as hell. Example off the top of my head, mankind and now humankind is what is most appropriate and inclusive of all folks. That’s another one, I notice a lot of times we say, “Hey guys what’s up!” instead of hey y’all, hey there, hey folks, hey humans, hey everyone! This is an easy way to be inclusive and it’s important to practice daily! When we use our pronouns in introductions, emails, networking events, meeting someone new, social media accounts or where ever, this helps foster an inclusive, safe space. Some folks may not feel safe to share gender pronouns, and that’s okay too, but at least we use ours to help normalize this more and more!
So, here’s my mini cheat sheet of terms…
💖 Mankind switch to humankind
💖 Guys change to everyone, folks, y’all, peeps, go getters, everybody
💖 Man/Men change to people, similar to above
💖 Girls and Boys change to students, scholars, kids, kiddos, people
💖 Husband/Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Wife change to spouse, partner, or my fave PIC! (partner in crime)
💖 Salesman/woman change to salesperson
Now here’s my other mini cheat sheet of tips!
💖 Ask: What are your pronouns?
💖 Share: My pronouns are ____________
💖 Don’t assume based on dress/appearance/look/tone of voice, etc.
💖 Use They if you don’t know the person’s pronouns and be intentional about doing this often
💖 Use pronouns EVERYWHERE! No, literally, everywhere! Email signature, voicemail box, answering the phone, in a new meeting with someone, on your social media accounts, in any introduction!!
And finally, here’s what to avoid…
💖 Don’t say “Preferred Pronouns,” “Gender Identity,” “Wants to be a,” “Identify As,” these are all known as microaggressions. Wait Jackie, a what?? Microaggression! A microaggression is a comment or statement against a marginalized person or group that can cause another person harm. These are typically unintentional and can cause serious harm when this builds up daily, overtime, and somethings a person has to deal with everyday. GLAAD has more specific examples of these in there article here.
💖 There are a lot of words to avoid and I think GLAAD does an amazing job with this list in a chart to break things down on why certain words are problematic and what is preferred. Click the GLAAD link here now to learn more!
💖 Healthcare providers this one is for you! Not having forms with inclusive language and places to write in gender, not confusing the word sex with gender on forms, and making sure there is alignment with this
💖 Gender Reveal Parties, I realize this is a tangent and a blog for another day, but I fucking have to say, I hate these parties. Omgosh whhhhhy Jackie? Uhh, Gender does not equal Genitals!! There’s been so many horror stories and mishaps of destruction from gender reveal parties across the nation. Read more on the Trevor Project Survey and you’ll learn an interesting statistic about LGBT Youth and Gender.
💖 Being an asshole! Practice what you read in this blog, try to do one thing today to use your pronouns, use your voice and be an ally 365, 24/7 all day every day!
I hope this helps answer the question of why pronouns matter, learn more about pronouns 101, and Gender Therapists in Minneapolis, MN! The next time you type in LGBTQ Friendly Therapist near me, I hope you or a loved one land on this page. To read more about the work I do, check out this my services page on LGBTQ & Gender Affirming Care here! If you know of anyone that is seeking Sex Therapy Services in Minneapolis, Minnesota, feel free to pass along this information to them today! If you are seeking help with sex therapy, couples therapy, self-esteem, LGBTQIA+ & Gender-Affirming care, or anxiety, you can read more about how I can help by clicking here! If you are a therapist seeking consultation on any of these topics or want to know what it takes to open your open private practice then click here for more information on how I can help you today!
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