What I Don’t Like About Women Networking Groups In Minneapolis, Minnesota
What I Don’t Like About Women Networking Groups In Minneapolis, Minnesota
Let’s step into the soft feminine and get out of the over distorted masculine energy. Feel free to listen on Substack if you prefer here. It's my first time recording, it's not perfect, and I will shamelessly own that!
Hey shameless squad! I’ve been in business for over the last four years. This article is to illuminate the shameful shadows that lurk in the rooms of these women’s events. The intention of me sharing my lived experience is to shamelessly own and be honest about my experiences. I’ve had many women in the last week+ share similiar feelings, styles of “networking,” and how they’re also craving something different. Different isn’t bad, it just means change, and change is the only constant. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again. I know there will be many women leaders who step up, say no more, and I’m doing it my way now. Which I absolutely love, and I feel this powerful divine feminine energy in my bones.
For those that aren’t familiar with this language, please give me a minute to share. In Taoism, the Divine Feminine is the yin energy and Divine Masculine is the yang energy, this is seen on the circle symbol. We all have these energies, irregardless of gender, and other belief systems also attribute the yin, black energy to the Moon astrologically, and the yang, white energy, to the Sun. I do want to say however, we are not dualistic people here, we are multiplistic, most often in psychology things depend with individuals vs. this/that, yes/no, type of answers. Psychology calls this cognitive distortion all or nothing thinking, to describing things for one situation, and in grad school they taught us not to use the term, “Black and white thinking,” because there are racial undertones to this. I hope this helps someone out there be mindful of this information psychologically and language. Now, the Divine Masculine pulls from the Divine Feminine, the flow, don’t force, the inspired gut feelings on why you must move forward into something, and then take action, aka the Divine Masculine. This is how these energies become balanced. When the Divine Feminine operates from shadow or is distorted, we can fall into passive victimhood, manipulate people and situations, become defensive, operate from shame, ego, and be overdependent on others. Things feel out of sync, balance, and like you’re swimming upstream vs. going with the flow. When we’re out of our divine feminine we don’t trust our intuition, come off as not nurturing, caring, or compassionate. It can be mean, psychologically setting people up, and passive aggressive behaviors. The Divine Masculine energy when it’s distorted is controlling, abusive, suppresses one’s emotions, drives people through power dynamics and fear tactics, dominating conversations, it’s surface level discussions, tries to rationalize why things are the way they are and can be an emotionally numb energy. Things feel out of sync, pushing harder, trying to work smarter, but then things feel like you need to control everything and others in the situation. It’s overdoing, which leads to burnout, exhaustion, and things being too much.
Some people may think I’m operating out of dark feminine energy, when really, I’m just being honest, and bringing the shadows to light from what I’ve experienced in groups. Don’t shoot the messenger when they’re just sharing their experience and giving a gift to the world with this. What I’m finding in women networking groups that are one-off events in the short is this, I don’t like them because they’re in a distorted divine masculine energy. It’s built to benefit the patriarchy, which as many know has torn down women who used to rule as Goddesses before men, suppress women’s psychic abilities through the womb, and diminish our emotions, suppress so we fit in. I don’t agree with it. I don’t write this today to be a victim, get pity, or anything like that, I simply want to highlight why traditional womens networking isn’t working for many women anymore in business. I will not be attending groups that I describe dynamics below, that I have been to, anymore. Here’s my lived experience on why.
Don’t Ignore Your Psychic Abilities When It Comes To Networking Events Near Me
This has been bubbling up for a while now inside of me. My body sharing signals with me that I ignored, just to, “give it a chance,” and “put myself out there,” like many business coaches or people will tell you to do. Sometimes not every room is the one you’re meant to be in.
I attend these events and don’t feel like I receive. The audacity right? How dare I want to be in receiving mode at something I pay for. Some people may think, well, you received headshots, business cards, new LinkedIn connections, and some light bites, what more could you want? Connection, listening, being in the moment, slowing down vs. rushing women, celebrating, not feeling like I’m having to shrink my bubbly shameless personality, are the answers. Don’t hand me a business card to sell me something if I don’t know your story and can’t ethically refer people to you then. It doesn’t feel right because it’s not right.
I know some people may disagree with that statement and what I am saying here, however, hosting a “Networking luncheon,” “Networking conference,” “Women’s networking,” events framed with this language, isn’t always networking. It’s actually flooded with a hidden agenda of over programming, speakers I don’t know, ones that don’t have a conversation for all business types that are relatable, are dry, lack energy, and try to sell their services to you, some are men, yes you read that right, in women spaces, we’d get burned at the stake if we did that, 30 second elevator pitches, buzzers, activities, and before you know it, times up and you’re exhausted by having a three hour midday chunk taken out. You’re drained. You don’t want to do anything.
I’ve felt and heard this from other woman owned businesses. These events are ones where you don’t actually get to connect and talk as much vs. feeling like you’re in school and need to be a good girl and listen. Then told, “Make sure you connect 1:1 outside of here!,” even when you dedicated three hours to come talk with people, but the schedule doesn’t allow it. What the actual fuck? I think. That’s an energy drainer vs. an energy giver. Then being talked at from people you don’t know, who want you to join, sell you their membership before they even care to connect 1:1, and get to know your story. I’ve had people try to slide in my DMS (which gross and predatory by the way, stop being a creep and doing this without people’s consent), emails, and texts, trying to sell me at discounted prices, when I didn’t even ask about membership. I’ve had times in my life where my mom died, I’ve been connected to these people on socials, and they’d rather sign me up for their membership versus say, I saw your post (because they reacted to it), and ask, how are you actually doing? There’s leaders who have too much going on that aren’t willing to connect with new people they are trying to recruit. They just want to grow their numbers with quantity rather than make you feel like you’re a quality person to have because they got to know you first. Make it make sense. It doesn’t. That’s the distorted divine masculine energy in disguise, let me appear like I really want them, but I’m selling memberships here because I’ve gotta hit my quota, sales number, or the made up goal in my head I created. Then get mad, not reply, and hold a silent grudge towards this person when they don’t want to join. Sounds like a great leader right? Wrong. We’ve got it all wrong.
We’ve got this backwards. It’s too much. It’s too corporate. It’s too over distorted divine masculine energy for women who just want to talk and not be silenced in spaces. That want to share why they started their business, but not be rushed in 30 seconds or even 2 minute quick networking groups. Some people take longer and I believe women are allowed to take up space, speak, and share their story. That’s not what I’ve received though. Women do enough and when we get together, we want to feel welcomed, cared for, and like we are meant to be there.
My Worst Women’s Networking Near Me Experiences In Minneapolis Minnesota
I’ve been to networking groups where there were five things happening at once, at lunch. I’m a pretty emotionally calm and regulated person, and lunch is my time for self care. I set and held a boundary of I am eating, I just want to focus on the meal. I was very hangry at that point and didn’t try to give a reaction, but a response. I am also neurodivergent, have had dyslexia for my whole life, and imagine if other neurodivergent people were there, having five things come at them at once. They may become upset, frustrated, try to self soothe, calm down, ground, or would have been blunt in their approach and say please stop I’m eating, or something else. That isn’t an inviting space for those that easily get overstimulated by others. It’s clear too much is going on here and that’s not a soft enjoy your lunch and self care type of vibe. It’s go go go distorted masculine, rush, don’t enjoy anything, and make sure you get these things done while eating. Hell no!
There could have been time taken before the event to send details to new people on how things run, this could have been broken down into a schedule on a website, and just taken the time to prepare people for what they can expect. When I explained this situation to other friends, therapist friends, and those who are neurodivergent, they said, “Everything you’re telling me is overwhelming!” I said, “Right?? Thank you!!” Then I went on to say imagine if this was a new person coming who didn’t have the emotional skills like I did. People didn’t realize this and hadn’t thought of lunch as self care because they’ve been taught to work through it. Me, I am a trained therapist, I have a lot of sexual energy, where I delight taking in the pleasure of meals, especially when someone else has cooked for me, hi blessing, I want to only be in the moment with that. Especially when I’m hangry, right?
I have been in business for a while where masterminds I feel drained after and not poured into, so I won’t go anymore. I feel like I am paying to consult, which isn’t a good use of my energy and I’ve spent $30,000+ on professional business courses, coaching, consulting, and personal development. Some of you might get triggered by me saying that or what I’m about to say, if you do, ask yourself why because it’s not even about me. I’m just sharing my messages and highlighting the mess of others scarcity, projection, vs. my own. I can tell when people have a scarcity mindset, won’t invest chunks of money into their business and self, and won’t even pay my $377 60 minute pick your brain consultation fee. Why should I have to give so much when I paid to come here? I’m not there to teach and be interviewed from my experiences because not all businesses or people are the same as mine. Then you get called gatekeepy when you don’t share the courses or programs I’ve been in, when majority of them have been from a therapist lens, some don’t fit other’s businesses, are spiritual courses where there was bypassing happening there, and some I’ve had bad experiences with so why the hell would I recommend them?
I’ve told people what I’ve done for business marketing when looking for shameless feedback in a mastermind and said, I don’t want to be on Instagram, TikTok, or do a Facebook group. YouTube I like and it makes me money, I have an email funnel I need to get better at, I’m in online groups for networking, and in person I haven’t found a lot of my people yet. They write on a card do TikTok and Facebook group, like did you not even listen to what I said? Why would I come back to that group when the group isn’t listening? Hearing is one thing, listening to remember is another thing. It shows you care vs. you’re only there because you care about yourself. It shows how if leaders are writing that or participants, what kind of quality of people you are networking with. It shows they don’t care as much to pour into you, they’re there for themselves, which is pretty sad.
I’ve been invited to speak about sexual wellness at women’s events, where committee members wanted this, but the leader didn’t. They showed their cards. They were uncomfortable. It says a lot though because what else aren’t you talking about in your life? What’s so scary to talk about sex in a group full of women that want it? Some leaders should not be in this position where they use their power to override what the group wants, yet we see this so many times. The person I spoke with from the group was absolutely lovely, charming, and we had deep conversations about isms and group dynamics. I mentioned, if I’m a woman who’s younger than the woman running this group, I feel misjudged and uncomfortable because she won’t let me speak, she wants to silence this conversation, how are bipoc, those with different abilities, gender expansive women, and more, going to feel attending? This person was bipoc and never thought about this before. This conversation must have been over the last year, and it’s important because again, therapists are trained in multiculturalism and meant to talk about all isms, especially in groups. I don’t write this to be a white woman hero, so please don’t think that, I write it because that’s what staying shameless is about. Having all these conversations I had are necessary, and doing it. It’s also about saying how I feel in the moment and being fucking honest and real. Not meant to shrink, meant to stand out. A lot of women still aren’t ready for that type of shameless energy. My shameless energy. So I won’t be in those rooms anymore.
I went to another group recently and what we do for marketing was a question. I said YouTube, online networking, email funnels, my website, and I don’t do Instagram or much on Facebook. The leader gave me unsolicited shameful advice and said, “You should be on TikTok!” I said, “Fuck no.” She looked stunned. TikTok has been an app I don’t want to learn and a platform I don’t want to be on. I’ve held this boundary for years ever since I started my business. Why be on TikTok to promote when I’m on YouTube getting paid to exist and do this? She still seemed shocked at my answer.
Then they asked us what we want to automate, delegate, and eliminate. I had said I changed my entire business model over almost the last year and a half and I don’t need to eliminate anything at this time. I shared I’d love to automate my emails, which I’m working on and delegate my YouTube channel with SEO, scheduling videos, and not editing anything where it’s fake and inauthentic to my brand, so it’s easier for schedulers. Then the leader asks me, “What do you want to eliminate?” I felt so unheard. I had to repeat myself and said I’ve eliminated 75% of my previous business plan, so no, I do not need to eliminate anything at this time. I thought, why am I even here if the leader isn’t going to listen to me?Why am I at an event that says “Women’s Networking,” that feels like a group business interview and me consulting? I did briefly look at the schedule, and it was on systems that day, however, this leader said maybe we scrap that at the beginning because we have new people. Me being one of them, I said I would love that because I knew my gut clairsentience was like yes, let’s just flow! But no, that wasn’t the case. Had I known how this group would run, I wouldn’t have gone.The group dynamics at points were storming. Shameful communication aka unhealthy through questioning vs. shameless curiosity occurred, defense mechanisms used, little jabs thrown, and reading between the lines occurred. This doesn’t feel like this is what women’s groups are meant to be about.
Why Networking Group Leaders Need Training In Group Work From Therapists
When people have an idea to start a networking group, they get all excited and just go for it! However, their shadows can show, their shameful narratives in conversation can show up, and things can be projected onto the participants. None of that needs to be happening. This is a form of spiritual bypassing. I’ve seen this in groups as well, those that don’t have the ongoing training and learning on how to be a better group facilitator and leader, people will leave. Don’t get me wrong, I understand structure, group work, and how to run groups. My training as a therapist taking a semester course during my masters program. I had to do a group practicum course, and this is something many do not have when running these types of networking groups, events, or women’s circles. I think it’s important when people of groups are feeling overwhelmed, go to an event but aren’t joining, or quitting, professional development and training in group work from a licensed therapist or someone with that degree in counseling, could be the answer and is a necessity to see what’s going wrong. This is why groups dissolve, break down, and aren’t brought back to life sometimes. If we’re not looking at the phases of group work, know what type of group we’re running, understand the importance of ritual, psychological emotional intelligence skills, then dynamics can feel off and if you’re a leader, you need to be using skills to be on it.
Over programming events with activities is too much. Ninety minutes minimum for the group to discuss the activity, education, speaker, or whatever it is. Yes, you read that right. Let’s get to the next thing on the agenda, not finish the exercise, not allow talking time, rather than allow for flow and flexibility especially when a woman is sharing apart of her heart and soul with the group. To me, that’s not what women’s networking is about. I’ve been guilty of not being a perfect facilitator, trust me I know it, and I always try to take in the feedback of others vs. not following up via text, email, phone call, socials, or conversations when a person has reached out to me. It says a lot when leaders do that in these types groups and how they treat the group members attending.
What I’m Doing About My Dislike For The Types Of Women Networking Groups I’ve Described
If you got this far, you probably might be like, bitch, so what? So what are you going to do about it? So what is the moral of the story? So what is next? Let me tell you…
To bring it back to my original point, this is not what being in receiving mode is to me. It’s generic shameful advice in these rooms and I don’t play that game. I call it shameless feedback, and only try to give when I ask people for their consent. Sometimes I make mistakes and say tell me to fuck off if that felt shameful, advice giving, or unwarranted because I am a person too. I have also noticed I don’t enjoy huge conferences or lunches with speakers I don’t know with only a little bit of networking. Come to this big ass event with fake women’s awards where you get a piece of paper vs. something tangible for your business, like a grant, or money from the conference. Then let’s also claim we don’t compete with other women we collaborate, yet we have these awards? Aka a competition or nomination with who knows someone. There can also be biases here too. It doesn’t matter as much as it does for the women who want to connect. That took the time out of their day to be present. Listen. Give. Receive.
I went to an online group recently asking if women would actually want online moon circle events for intentional networking? All the women looked excited! I shared what I’ve done in person with my group, and everyone online loved it. The leader told me my price I was charging may be too much for cold outreach. I knew where she was coming from and I’m giving so much to this group. Marketing to invite people to the event, the astrology service of information, writing up reflection and conversational questions, structuring it in a way where there’s time to connect and hear people’s stories, doing tarot and oracle card group messages, and facilitating. I’ve hosted events where I’ve given less and received more money. Want to know the best part about this though? This woman took accountability, apologized because I wasn’t asking about price point, and shamelessly owned it. I respect her more for doing this and it was water under the bridge. A great group leader and facilitator does this. The women in person at events on previous shameful occasions didn’t. Not that they think they should or not that I needed it, and it also says a lot.
I’ve mentioned maybe five or six different group scenarios. Five in Minnesota, the sixth online. I don’t do Minnesota nice, aka fake, so people aren’t ready for that because it’s easier to be chummy chummy and spiritually bypass, rather than do the work and change. Some of you may think, are you the problem Jackie? That’s convenient when there’s clearly a golden thread between five different group scenarios: It’s a distorted divine masculine energy. We’re suppressing the feminine. She’s waking up and wants to keep waking up and shake shit up. And easily participant shame blame me, when clearly I’m seeing the same things in group dynamics and sharing my experiences. Those that truly know me, my heart, and my soul, know I protect my energy will understand. I know which rooms I’m not meant to be in anymore.
This has taken me years to figure out though. Something new-ish I’m learning or relearning about myself is I want to be in a community that’s about people’s story vs. selling.
I’m learning if I don’t know your story behind the services, products, or business, and I’m just being sold, it feels very disingenuous of a connection.
I’m looking for more groups that operate from this energy, soft, not rushing each other, or cutting women off, enough time, and haven’t found much. I created an intimate 6 women only circles for this type of connection, how to check in with ourselves, our energy for the astrology season, connect over coffee beforehand, and intentionally get to know one another vs. selling right away to each other. I do also give self care gifts for the season, be it gemstone crystals, oil blends, salt baths, and more.
Shameless tangent over. I just kind of wanted to know if other people feel this way? I’ve been in business since 2021, so I’m seeking something different. Not strategy, not tips and tricks, not mastermind, but a sisterhood full of connection to know one another’s stories.
I love hosting my events and I also want to be able to just come and participate. If anyone finds a group like this please feel free to send it my way!
I am hosting my second online women’s moon circle for intentional networking on June 11th. If you’ve been feeling like you want something new with business networking, or have experienced things like I have and aren’t here for it, then I encourage you to try it! This is for the spiritual woman who wants to network, values service, and wants to share her story with the group first before selling. Group members are typically spiritual, witchy, psychic, mystics, and any other spiritual archetype you want to put on it, potentially, women. I’m excited to have people signed up for the next one, thank you! I’m excited for all new people to attend and come!
One final thought, the best group online that I have enjoyed the most is Entreprenista. I’ve been connecting with a beautiful community of women, who have been connecting with me and us connecting one another back to each other. I love it for the support, sisterhood, and resources. If you want more information, reach out to me, signup for my newsletter at https://stayshameless.com scroll down 75% of the way, and then you’ll get my email where you can find me or my next newsletter too! Look for my name in your inbox or other folders too. I no longer do a contact me form on my site because people have abused their privilege of having access to me through spam, promotions, and additional things.
Thank you to the beautiful women in my life that inspired this writing today. You know who you are. I hope this article helped you to receive something.
Thank you for reading today.
I love you,
Stay Shameless
Ps-Don’t gaslight your psychic abilities. Here’s my latest all signs collective psychic download and tarot reading about this and I share a little more with my story to. Link below, hope you subscribe!
https://www.youtube.com/live/_kqs--box1I?si=CvbgtBAoCA0rL5sx
